so we talked and I dont know what happens now.

Have you ever wanted to escape, but then not leave entirely everything?

And it begins....

;)

where to start.....

i guess il start with the last two weeks.
Cary got out of jail. things happened there and that pissed me off so bad.
didnt talk to my mother for two days. i stopped because i left bad after awhile. im never mad at my mtoher that long.

DAMN PHONE KEEPS RINGING!!!

valentine's day was great.
i didnt expect anything from anyone except thomas.
i got a box of chocolates from johnny and that really surprised me. i think i almost cried. lol. I spend 200 dollars that day. that only went to my mom and thomas because knew that my close friends wouldnt get me anything and i was right they didnt lol. they only person who gave me something and i barely see him and i still get something from him was johnny. im not complaining though even though it sounds like it. :)
I truly felt loved by thomas that day though. even mrs. eldredge started to say something about it. but that would be sad if someone sent themselves all that....
thomas asked me out. so we were officially together. which made me even happier.

so apparently i should tell my friends about who im dating or they seem to get upset *cough cough...johnny....cough cough* and amanda would not let it go! lol

pep rally was fun.
too bad we cant have one like every friday or at least every other friday. lol

went to club paris sunday.. wayyyyyyyyyyyy too packed! even the vip was pack.
had fun i guess lol.

yesterday was the court date.
both of us scared out of our minds. but judge just said that if cary is anywhere near me i can call the police and yea. but this crap isnt suppose to end until until july...next courtdate is april and everyone is going to be showing up and make sure that im alive. yea i know but i have to deal with it....grrrr
i cant tell you guys everything ebcause im not allow and im not suppose to so.. trying to give details without giving too much information.

thomas is suppose to be coming home with me friday and celebrate my birthday sicne its that monday + FCAT...so yea birthday is going to be somewhat a bummer but this friday is going to make that ok.

um... i think thats it but i dont know.cant remember.

peace <3

J'ai voulu votre attention, mais pas la façon que vous pensez. Je ne veux pas montrer la peau, mais montrer mon émotion. Je veux être vrai à me pendant que je suis avec vous. Si je ne peux pas faire qu'alors que fasse-t-je ?

i hate bullshitters!

and i hate crying over them too.

dont tell your ex that you dont evern know the reason why you asked me out!
we both know the exact reason and you know it!

i asked if you were sure and i should have just rejected you but my dumbass didnt and im the one now crying abut it!

i am so pathetic!

Heal your soul,forgive someone...

I forgive you for hurting me...
I forgive you for leaving me...
I forgive you for breaking my sprirt...
I forgive you for breaking my heart...
I forgive you for doing the things that you do...
I forgive you for doing the things that you did...
I forgive you for showing me that...
I forgive you for telling me that...
I forgive you......

...yea,right....

_______________________________________________________________________

this weekend was cool. i actually had fun, but there were things that could ahve been avoided. lol

so..mostly saturday i hung out with my cousin and this guy named ian.
tenesha was trying to hook us up so we drove or I srove to altamonte and we meet at the mall went to the movies and then went to stake and shake.

ian meet us at the hot topic and then we hung there for about 20 minutes and then we went to the theater. the movie didnt start until 4:30 so we just sat there for an hour and talked.

turns out that ian and I are interested into each other lol.
so we end up sitting next to each and most of the time our arms were against each other's. may not sound like a big thing, but you had to be there lol.

after see happy feet which i loved [lol] we went to go eat and it was cool. ian and I sat next to each other and all and the sucking part is that by the time i was on the way home i realized....I FORGOT MY RETAINERS!!!!

so i got off the nearest exit and had no clue where we were so we were lost but we didnt going into some area after a couple of turns and whatnot and somehow we ended back there lol. when i got back to stake and shake. they tell me that the cleaned the table and threw everthing away. so right now i have no retainers and dont have money to get two more because they are $139 each and yea. first time that i have been sooo irresponsible. i am hoping that my teeth dont shift!!! lol gosh...

then today i had to follow my mother to lake Helen which is in orange city and that was hard. because one is was night and i couldnt see a thing and my mom isnt the type to actually do the speed limit so i had to keep us with her and she call me during that and asks me why i was driving so slow and i told her because i was actually doing the speed limit!!!! lol

but i got there in goo shape and everything and i was glad because i though i would have crashed or something like that, but thanks god i didnt. he was been on my self these past couple of days and i am thanks for.. now all we need is money ;D

ok so i finally go to actually talk to daniel and according to him i have changed.
how i dont know, but to him he says that i have become a girly girl. i dont know what the hell that is but if you know let me know.

but i havent changed, have i? i mean i dont think i have, but if i have i wouldnt have noticed. i meanive tried to change myself, but its never worked out because im just me. but to him something has changed about me and he knows me best of all so i know something MUST be different right?

idk..

that is all i can think about. he also doesnt want to keep that agreement about if something is wrong then we always promised to tell each other, but i think he started to hate that because i was always getting him to express his emotions and he never did that until we go really close and..yea i would have to give all the details about that crap but i dont feel like it.

i hate it when i want everything to go back to normal. just once i would like for things to happene the way i want them and to stay like that ya know?..
its like no matter what i do it all turns into some kind of nonsense and i go forwards and then get knocked three steps back!

no i dont know what to do... its like im lost all of the time and i hate being lost. i want to have some kind of control on my life since it is MY life , but its doesnt seem to be going that way at all.

i hate having that crying feeling. you only know half of the reason why you want to bust in tears and the other is just because of all of the bullshit and your mind and body is tired of holding it in. but i hate for people to see me cry though.

things are so different now.
its like the further the school year goes on it becomes a mystery on what will happen tomarrow or a week from now and etc.

the earliest that i get to even lay in my bed is about 11pm and i wake up at around 5am so ill trying to keep myself from failing.

my mom got her money back from what happened for we dont have to struggle for the next month and hopefully i will get that job from radioshack because they are having a fair on the 23rd so im really looking forward to that.

to be continued...

well i hope everyone had a great holiday and that so far your break is great.
me i am mostly just chiling waiting to start school again because i have nothing else to do, but i have been reading my book a lot so im hopeing that by the time school starts again ill be finished with it.
did celebreate christmas this year. Me and my mom was just like why even pretend that we have the christmas mood so the whole day yesterday we just read. she had a book and i had a book. now my mom hasnt actually read a book in ages i mean she was read it but she would put it down and then leave it there until it collected dust, but yesterday she could put it down even when i was talking to her she would be like ok honey and would be reading. i told her that i was pregnant and she was like oh ok dear. i was like wtf? and then five minutes later she is like "what do you mean your pregnant" and i was like "nice timing mom. by the time you realized i said that i would have had it." lol
so we did have lights up, or any money to buy anyone anything. i didnt put up the tree or anything. it was like it was just another day.
but it wasnt so bad.